My background is very religious and I know the Lord is still revealing those things in me. Years I tried to prove I wasn’t religious, now I am simply admitting I have been and still am in some areas until God reveals my heart and works with that. The more time I spend with Him, the more He reveals about Himself and Grace to me.
For a while I have been seeing I lost my passion and my joy on the journey. When I spent my time with the Lord, I did ask why I lost my passion and my joy. I wanted to have a Thing and a Reason for it. Something what was outside of me. It would be so great to say enemy stole it from me. Or people around me didn’t support me or receive what I had. It would be easier to point something or someone and to blame situations or circumstances. But the Lord didn’t answer my question.
Losing my passion and joy caused me to become weary. I didn’t get the answer from the Lord. The more I was searching the more I became weary and frustrated. And the more becoming weary caused me to feel I wasn’t able and good enough to bring forth what was in me. Even I heard all about God’s grace and received it and believed it, it didn’t really restore my passion and joy. My feelings took over me and caused me to see myself as a failure and God’s grace didn’t really reach my heart, even I understood it and had knowledge about it. I thought it did, but I wouldn’t be in the place I was if it did.
Then these words of Jesus became alive for me
Matthew 11:28-30 28″Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. 29 Walk with me and work with me– watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill- fitting on you. 30 Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. (The Message)
This invitation started to draw me closer to the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m still on this journey, but I can say, “I had heard about grace, but now my eyes see Him.” And in this place I was able to hear His answer for my question. It wasn’t about others around me. It wasn’t about my life situations or circumstances. It wasn’t about my nation. It was about me. I have realized in my own life that God doesn’t really give answers to my questions before I’m able to hear them. His love toward me is so awesome that He is never out to destroy me, but to restore and build me up. He does reveal things in my heart, which are not in line with His nature and His word. But He doesn’t leave me alone there.
In this case I saw how I started to compare myself to other people around. I let them effect me. I listened those who didn’t really know me and I let them define me with their words. I believed them more than God and more than people who supported me and were believing me. I let circumstances and life situations cause me to take my eyes off from Jesus Christ and I became negative. In my negativity I started to sow negative words and it brought fruits which weren’t pleasant.
I realized that there is no reason in my life that I can’t have passion and joy. Jesus Christ is living in me and I am living in Him. It’s no more I who live, but Christ in me. The fruit of the Spirit is joy (and so much more). Christ is the vine and I am one of branches. When I am abiding in Him, His Life will bring forth these fruits and one of them is joy. I can’t make it up. Nobody can take it away. This Life comes from the Vine, Jesus Christ, and fruits come naturally. The reason I lost my passion and my joy was that I didn’t abide in Him. I did spend my time with the Lord, but my focus was on others, on me or on my own miserable feelings, not on Him. It’s not about me, but about Him. Even when I bring my thoughts and my heart to Him, He is still the main focus. He is the source of Life.
John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.
I want my passion and joy back, but even that can’t be my main focus. My focus is Jesus Christ and when I am abiding in Him, walking with Him, breathing in Him, His very Life will come forth in me and bring fruits forth in my life. Without Him I can simply do nothing, but with Him I can do everything. What a great life to live in Christ.