Choose Life

Yay! It’s Friday, again. Great end of the great week. I’m so happy today because of the children in my class. They have done great choices lately and they are growing amazingly. I’m very grateful to be with them and teach them.

Today is also time to write for five minutes. Here are more details about Five Minutes Friday. The prompt of the day is CHOOSE. What a great word!🙂

So here it goes…



I have heard this verse for a week now. After winter break these words have stayed with me. There is always a choice for me to do. I can choose life or death. I can step forward or stay back. I can be positive and grateful or negative and bitter. Whole life is about choices and those are not always easy to make.

In the class I’m teaching I have chosen life. There have been some children with very bad attitude. I tried my best to put them in order but it wasn’t working. I thought surely I can tell them how to behave and it would work. Well, it didn’t. But God. I love those two words. When God steps in it’s always great and will work. Simple words from Him; ‘Choose life’.

I started to sow life to them. There are so many ways I can speak life into their lives. I bless them even though they don’t know it. And this life is now growing in them and starting to bloom and give some fruit. It’s amazing to watch how some so closed and distant children start to get closer and trust and receive love and life. There is always always life to choose. And it’s not so hard if I’m just ready to be open and make some mistakes. If I just know it’s not me, but Christ. He is the Life, not me.


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Move on – forgiveness is the key

don't waste your time looking back on what you've lost move on

I saw this sticker today and I knew God was talking to me. When we hit a rock bottom in our marriage and I wasn’t sure if we would ever get back together, I though it was the hardest thing in my life. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than that except death. At the moment I was preparing myself to get divorced God stepped into and spoke His word. And that word changed everything over night. I knew the only way to go was obedience. That’s simply my heart. I love God and when He speaks I will follow.

I thought surely people around me would be happy about our restoration and about my decision. Many of them were, but not everyone. That decision cost me a lot. Things which mattered the most to me suddenly were closed because of this decision. Some long lasted friendships ended because of this. My dreams and things where I had given my last 10 years and my carrier didn’t exist to me anymore. I felt the bottom of my life was suddenly disappeared. I thought I had focus, but suddenly I was wondering aimlessly. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I was happy God finally spoke into my situation, but the price felt so huge, almost impossible to pay. I couldn’t understand it. At the moment I the most needed a friend to walk with me, I didn’t have the best one anymore. The pain was unbearable but I couldn’t do anything. I knew God spoke to stay with my husband and He showed there would be a blessing in that. I had learned God will never abandon and He surely is trustworthy, but those didn’t take my pain away. The lost was huge and even though I did have some other friends, they weren’t as close as the best one.

I do realize there are perhaps other things I don’t know about that caused this situation. This is my part of the story and my focus is not put anyone down. The main thing isn’t who or what, but how did I go through it (and still am going) and what God did and is doing. :o)

It has taken for awhile to get my balance back and see that there is the future in Christ. It doesn’t help me at all if I keep looking back and grieving about what I have lost. That is gone and won’t come back. I still don’t understand, but rather than looking back I have decided to keep walking and focus at this moment, NOW. My life will continue and it’s not depending on people, but God. I would love to have everything, but as one friend said I am happy I have followed God and saved my marriage and my family. That alone is a blessing. If I keep looking back on the things I have lost, I won’t see things I have gained. By doing that I will loose this moment, my now and all good what it’s bringing now. It’s time to grieve, but then it’s time to let it go. It doesn’t mean I won’t have hard days and hard moments still. But even though I do have them I choose to keep walking.

images-40Forgiveness is a great key to let go of the past. It’s amazing thing, but it’s the progress where I have to deal my heart again and again. Every time I face something which reminds me about my past, I choose to forgive and let go of it. It’s not always easy, but it’s my choice. I know there are greater things before me because that is the promise of God. For everyone of us. It doesn’t matter what has happened in my life or in your life, that is what God speaks over us. His way is always from glory to glory. And the key is forgiveness. Just let you past go and see what God will have for you now and in the future.

I’m looking forward new things. It’s like a sunrise after long dark winter in Finland. It’s bright and brings joy and colors whit it.


Five Minutes Friday: SMALL

It’s Friday night and time to join with FMF to write. More details are here. The prompt today is SMALL. There is so much to say about this little word, but I can’t say all in five minutes. Here it goes…


I met one friend today and we talked about my life. I told her how hard last few months have been and how I hit a rock bottom. How I felt some people betrayed me. She asked some questions and I answered. Then she took a white board pen and started to draw something. When she was ready she asked “Are you ready to hear one question? It isn’t an easy question, but I really want you to think of it.” I nodded my head.

Is there anything you would like to thank for those people?


In one moment that small question changed my whole viewpoint. This small question took my focus from what had been done to me into all good what had been brought into my life by those people. Just few words and how powerful they were. Those words were like a big hand which lifted me up from one place and moved me into another. It shifted my whole view. Things which mattered few minutes ago, didn’t really matter anymore. I started to see things via God’s eyes, not via my own. I realized there is always a bigger picture no matter what will happen in my life. God is always faithful and trustworthy. Every season in my life brings something good and something to be grateful for. And whatever happens nobody can take those away from me.

Just a small question and so powerful.


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Five Minute Friday: Write

It’s Friday again and time for a FMF. Learn more about it here. Today’s prompt is


I love to write. I have been writing since I was a child. Writing was my way to process different things in my life. It was IMG_4529the way to see what I was really thinking. And it still is. Sometimes I just let my fingers write letters. And those letters are forming words and words are forming sentences. And the more I’m reading what my fingers are writing the more I see what’s in me. And what God is speaking to me through my words.

Writing is like pealing an onion. I start from one place and I don’t always know where I am going to end up. When I’m writing I’m following the path I don’t always know before hand. It excites me and brings me joy. I don’t make plans how to write and I don’t have a target. I have thoughts and those thoughts are living their own life.

Writing is a gift. And it’s a gift everyone has. It’s not a privilege for few but it’s for everyone. It’s a way to communicate and express ourselves. It’s a way to tell stories and capture and save memories. It’s a way to come together and share.

Everyone can learn to write and can grow in it. It takes some courage to just jump and write. But it’s worth it.

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Every change brings a shift – smaller or bigger

DSC09795I’m packing boxes and thinking. These are not boxes of my own this time, but for other people to send their stuff after them. This work is very familiar. During my life we have moved countless times before kids and with them. I have also helped people to move, wrapping their stuff into boxes, packing their furniture and move them from one place to another. I have helped some churches to move. I have been part of founding them. And not just physically but also on the paper. And I have also been the one to shut them down. I should probably run a business like this by now. But I don’t and probably won’t.

Every move shifts something in our lives. Something will always end with the move. And something new will start. Even if you don’t move too far from the place you are living. It just happens. With the move, some doors will close and others will open. These boxes I’m packing now indicates a total shift for me. Everything shifted by our move and by these boxes. It feels like my ‘old’ life ended and my ‘new’ life started. For most of the people around me it all looks the same. But it isn’t. Everything has shifted even though the location changed only 4 kilometers. It all shifted in the realm not seen.

One friend used to say ‘to really see you have to change your position sometimes’. I thought I knew what it meant, but now I at least know more than I used to know. My eyes have opened totally and what I’m seeing is Life before me. Just few months ago, all I was focused on was everything else than Jesus. I thought it was all about Jesus, but now I realize it was still about ministry, me, my destiny, my call and my future. My focus and my effort were for all that. I didn’t see it and my intention was to serve God.

Truth is that all that comes before God is an idol. If it’s a program or ministry or what do I get from this or how this will open the door for me or is this going to take me into my future, it’s an idol. Behind those thoughts is me, not God. If I put all my trust on Him and I really live in Him trusting that He will do  all good for me because I love Him, I don’t have to worry about my future, my destiny, my tomorrow. Those all are in Him and under His control.

The more I’m packing, the more I’m getting free. Yes, I’m having tears in my eyes on some days. The last season was full of great things and experiences. It was full of many things I had dreamed about. It had a hope of the open door in it. And especially it had a friendship I never thought I would lose. I do go through emotions, but that’s human side of me. Alongside of my sad emotions I have joy and peace. I know I’m exactly where I suppose to be. I’m in the right place and in this right place I know God is with me. I don’t have anything to show to anybody. I was part of the ministry. I was a leader. I was a teacher. I was a chair man. That’s all gone and I am not that anymore. Any of it. But there is freedom to be me. Those things used to define me. I tried so hard to be all that and more feeling always I wasn’t quite enough to be any of them. Not that it was said to me. It was this internal feeling inside of me, which forced me to try more and to strive. Now I have to learn to be me. I have to find what means to walk through every day life without any props to prove anything to anybody. I know it’s very good place to be, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Yet, it’s actually the best place to be with the Lord. And there is freedom to meet new people. And let them know me, not me as a minister, as a leader or as anything else. I see richness in it. It’s not always clear and sunny, but I see Life.


On the other day one friend said to me. “I see how you are growing as a leader.” Those words hit me a little bit later when I was thinking something else. She knows my situation and she wasn’t saying it at all to make me feel good. She knows I’m not a leader of anything right now. But what she said to me was about my nature. It was something greater than I have heard in awhile. And it did make me smile. God is doing His work in me and for that I don’t need anything else than Him.

Some thought for today. If there is change going on your life, just know God is there with you. Trust Him and don’t be afraid. I keep hearing “go with the flow”. And I believe it’s for you as well as it is for me now.

Five Minute Friday: Hero

It’s Friday and time for Lisa-Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday prompt. I’m happy to be part of this wonderful group of writers who writes every Friday only 5 minutes about one given prompt without editing. The rule is that after publishing you just go and read what others have posted before you and encourage them.

And here it GOes…


I see this little shy girl. She was too shy to talk to anybody but family members. She was determined and she knew what she wanted, but she didn’t make a number of herself. Her preschool teacher told me she didn’t want to push her to step out if she wasn’t ready. The teacher wasn’t sure how far to encourage her without pushing her.

I thought she would be the one who wouldn’t fly too far out from the nest. That she would be the one to stay close and choose a safe way. That she would never really take risks but go in the middle. She wouldn’t rock the boat, but still live a wonderful and full life.

But she is the forerunner. Yes, she is the firstborn, but that’s not the reason. What she has gone through at her young age, has brought out strength and perseverance. She has a courage to chase her dreams.  She was the one who spent five weeks alone overseas in a  family she didn’t know and who didn’t speak her native language, when she was only 15.  After that she has travelled, stepped out, tried new things again and again. She is still young, only 20, but it seems the world is her home and she is not afraid to face new challenges and new nations, languages and circumstances. I’m very proud of her and I can see where ever she is going to settle down one day, she is going to do it by choice, not by fear.


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Thought of the year 2014

That’s the thought of the year for me. Many things have defined me during my life. Being a mom. Being a wife. Trying to be the person of the call. Ministry. Expectations of other people. Just to name a few.

At the end of the last year I realized that I wasn’t the person I thought I was. Most of the decisions I had done were either SONY DSCbecause of unrealistic expectations I had for myself or because of what other people said or thought I should do. I realized that I had lived most of my life thinking that I’m the one who is wrong if someone is. If there was a disagreement I was to blame. I didn’t question those whom I loved and respected. I thought even God would be on their side and if I disagreed I would be left alone. I didn’t see myself very valuable and I took all blame on me. Mostly I did it quietly and many have thought I blamed someone else. I don’t think people around me really knew or know how much quilt and blame I have carried inside of me. I never let that stop me and I have always kept pressing forward regardless of my feelings.

During my life many people have rejected me, starting from my dad in my early years. On the moments and times when I the most needed friends around me, they chose to leave and walk away. Perhaps they didn’t know how to handle the situation and it was too much. Or perhaps they weren’t real friends. I started to believe there is something very wrong in me and I myself ended up to reject me. I guess that was the worst thing anybody could do themselves. If I didn’t see myself valuable and important, how could anybody else. I hardened myself and pretended I was okay and would keep walking.

The last year was the hardest of all. In the end of the year I found myself alone. By alone I mean there wasn’t that dearest and closest friend next to me with whom I could talk and share my thoughts. Everything had shifted. At that moment I realized, I mean truly found that Truth that God will never abandon me, I felt freedom. My parents can abandon me. My friends can do it. I myself can do it. But He simply can’t because it’s against His Word and His Nature. Even if I run from Him, He won’t leave me. When I was sitting in that Truth Him revealing Himself to me in a deeper way than before I fathomed how unique and loved I was and I am. And how He really and truly created me to be me. I have thought and read and heard those words so many times over years, but even though some people around me looked for that they didn’t really give me room to grow in it. I knew in my heart that I can count on God.

One person few weeks ago told me that father is meant to help a child to grow her/his wings and to learn to fly. My dad never did that for me because he wasn’t there. I grew up without dad or any man in my life. When I heard it I thought how huge responsibility God has trusted for fathers. And how big is a chance that they won’t succeed in it. But the more I thought it the more I saw that no man can do it without God. And He is my Father to do it. Even if my earthly father failed, God will never fail in this or in anything else. He will help me to find my voice, to grow my wings, to spread them and to fly and soar. There is the voice in me ready to come out. It has been there all along, but I didn’t believe it. This year will be for me to grow my wings, to fly and soar, to find my voice and let it come out.

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